


Gotta Be You

by Rosalyn_Larry28



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Danielle Campbell/Louis Tomlinson Date, Endgame Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson Break Up, Harry Styles/Tomlinson Family Friendship, High School, Homecoming Dance, Louis Tomlinson Calls Harry Styles Pet Names, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Mentioned Niall Horan, One Shot, Past Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, School Dances, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, mentions of bondage, mentions of depression, mentions of eating disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27787162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosalyn_Larry28/pseuds/Rosalyn_Larry28
Summary: Louis and Harry dated in middle school (H in 7th, L in 8th). Louis broke up with Harry because he was going into high school. Harry was heartbroken. The two boys end up going to the same high school. They thought they were over each other until they see each other in the hallway, chaos and sadness follows… Is a happy ending still possible?TW: Self-Harm, Attempted Suicide, Eating Disorder, Depression
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	Gotta Be You

_Homecoming Dance This Saturday!! Come One Come All!! Buy Your Tickets At The Main Office!!_

Harry read the sign over and over again, wishing he had someone he could go with. Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t have a problem with going alone, but it would be more fun if he had a date. Being in 10th grade at a new high school didn’t make for having many friends. Most people already had their friend groups together since last year. The curly haired boy had friends but they all went to his old high school, since his family had recently moved.

Harry also used to have a boyfriend back in 7th grade who broke up with him because his boyfriend was a year older and was going into high school. Harry had been heartbroken. Now though, he was just confused about why they had to break up just because his boyfriend was going into high school. The curly haired boy knew that they were going to different high schools because they lived across town from each other, but it still didn’t make sense to Harry.

 _I’m over him now, though… aren’t I?_ Harry thought.

Sighing deeply, the green-eyed boy turned away from the homecoming poster and started walking towards his locker. His head was down so he didn’t see the person, who was distracted by talking to his friends, walking towards him. Harry’s shoulder was bumped and he nearly fell to the floor before he felt a hand grab his elbow and one also on the small of his back.

“Oh, sorry mate. Are you ok?” the person asked Harry.

 _I recognize the feeling of this hand on my back, I felt it for a year. I know that voice, I heard it for 3 years._ The curly lad thought, not even needing to look up to know who was standing in front of him.

Harry stood up straight. “I’m fine, Louis,” he spoke, trying to keep his voice steady and emotionless. He noticed him and Louis were the same height now, as Harry used to be shorter than him.

“Oh shit,” Louis answered back. He pulled his hands back and dropped them to his sides.

Harry was still looking down at his feet, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. Just the sound of Louis voice was enough to bring him back to that day almost 3 years ago.

_Summer after Harry’s 7 th grade year…_

_Louis had come over to Harry’s house on Friday to hang out with him over the weekend, as usual. They lived a good 30 minutes from each other and since Louis wasn’t old enough to drive, being only a year older than Harry, they relied on their mum’s to drive them to each other’s houses. The first two days went by quickly, filled with talking and joking and playing fifa until Harry would get so upset about constantly losing to Louis that the blue-eyed boy had to kiss Harry at least ten times just to get his smile back on his face._

_It was Sunday afternoon and the two boys were sitting in Harry’s room watching a movie on his tv, waiting for Louis’ mum to come pick him up. Louis had been mostly silent the whole morning and it was starting to worry Harry, thinking he did something wrong even though he couldn’t think of what he could have possibly done. The movie was suddenly paused, and Harry looked to his right at Louis, who was setting down the remote._

_“Harry, we need to talk,” Louis said, shifting himself to face Harry, his back against the wall._

_The curly haired boy shifted uncomfortably. Louis never called him Harry anymore, it was always Babe, or Love. Even when they needed to be more serious, the most he would do is say Haz or Hazza. Never Harry. The green-eyed boy knew this wasn’t good._

_“What about?” Harry asking, turning himself to face Louis._

_“About us…” Louis said keeping his eyes on his hands, which lay in his lap. Harry stared blankly at Louis’ head, his mind racing._

_After a moment Louis spoke again, “You know I’m going into high school this fall.”_

_Harry nodded._

_“And that the high school I’m going to isn’t going to be the same high school you’re going to.”_

_Harry nodded again._

_“You know how hard it’s going to be for us to stay together through that?” Louis asked._

_“But we did it this year with no problems. So how hard is it going to be to do it again this year?” Harry asked, confused on where this conversation was going._

_Louis sighed. “High school is different Harry. I’m going to have more classes, more and harder homework. I tried out for the football team, and made it, so I’ll have practice every day and matches on weekends… do you see where I’m going with this?”_

_The green-eyed boy bit the inside of his bottom lip and furrowed his brows. He knew where this was going, and he didn’t like it._

_A tear slipped down his cheek, then another, then another, until he was a sniffling mess._

_“Please don’t cry. You know I can’t stand to see you cry,” Louis said, his voice restrained as he looked up to meet Harry’s eyes._

_“I can’t help it. You’re breaking up with me.” Harry’s voice shook as more tears fell from his eyes._

_“I don’t want to Harry. But it’s the best thing to do for the both of us. We’ll never be able to see each other as soon as school starts. It would be harder to stay together. I’m sorry.” The blue-eyed boy reached out and took Harry’s hands in his, tears falling down his face as well._

_“We can make it work. I know we can. Please don’t give up on us,” the last few words coming out as a whisper._

_“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. But I have to do what I think is best for both us. And this is what I think is best.” Louis phone lit up with a text from his mum saying she was outside. “I have to go, Harry. I really hope you don’t hate me for this. Just remember that I will always love you.”_

_“Just remember that I will always love you.”_ The words echoed in Harry’s head now. Tears welled up in his eyes and he blinked them back quickly. His heart ached just like it had that day.

He tried to end his life that day after Louis had left his house. His mum found him in the bathroom an hour after Louis left, unconscious, with tear strained cheeks, and in a puddle of his own blood, slices down both arms. He was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and put into a mental hospital, where he stayed until the middle of his 8the grade year. Louis hadn’t written or called or visited, nothing.

Once he got out, he developed an eating disorder, depression, and he continued to cut. He hid everything well enough that his mum didn’t even know until that next summer when he wore sweats and long sleeve t-shirts in the burning heat of summer. He got put back into the mental hospital for the rest of the summer and went to therapy every day after he got out. Now, he only goes twice a month.

Harry didn’t know Louis even went to this high school, he should have guessed though, considering it’s the only other high school in town. Too many memories flooded Harry’s brain. The room started spinning and he felt like he was about to pass out until a hand brought everything back into focus. Louis’ hand.

“Harry?” his soft voice asked, his hand cupping Harry’s chin, bringing it up so their eyes would meet. “Are you okay?”

“I-” Harry started to speak before a shrill voice cut him off.

“Louis!!”

A brunette girl jumped into Louis’ arms, causing him to stumble backwards, his hand falling from Harry’s chin.

Harry stared in complete shook at the girl, who was now repeatedly kissing Louis’ cheek.

“Danielle, babe, what are you doing?” Louis asked, detaching her arms from his neck.

 _Babe?_ Harry thought.

“Saying hi, obviously,” the brunette, Danielle, giggled. A small smirk on her face as she side eyed Harry.

“Yeah, I got that. But I was talking to someone, love,” Louis replied, his eyebrows raised, as if he was reprimanding a child.

 _Love?_ Harry questioned in his mind.

“Oops, sorry. I’ll just leave you alone, then.” Danielle turned, a pout on her lips, as she sniffled.

Louis reached out, placing a hand on her slim waist and turned her towards him. “No, it’s fine. It’s just an old friend. I haven’t seen him in a while, that’s all.” Louis gave her a smile. The kind of smile he used to give to Harry.

 _Friend? I wasn’t just a friend. Why is he talking about me like I’m not here? What’s going on? Who is she? Why is looking at her like that? Why did she kiss him? I can’t be here. I need to leave. Now._ Harry’s mind raced.

“What’s it been, Harry? A year?” he asked, turning back to face his ex-lover as Danielle laid her head against Louis’ shoulder. She was a good two to three inches shorter than him in the first place.

“Almost three…” Harry whispered, looking back at the ground and playing with his fingers.

“Wow. That long already? Time flies. How’ve you been?”

The green-eyed boy looked back up at his ex-boyfriend, his brows furrowed, and eyes squinted in confusion.

 _He doesn’t know? How could he not know? Mum told me that she told Jay what had happened. Jay always checked in with mum asking how I was doing. I’ve even talked to her myself a couple of times._ Harry thought.

“You don’t know?” Harry questioned, his voice so quiet he was sure that Louis couldn’t hear him.

“I don’t know what?” the blue-eyed boy asked, now also confused.

“Nothing. I have to go now. I have a bus to catch,” Harry spoke quickly before turning around and heading towards his locker again.

In the distance he heard Louis say, “Yeah, okay, talk later maybe?”

Harry didn’t respond. He walked quickly, stopping in front of his locker. He opened it and pulled out his homework, stuffing it in his bag. He had to get out of school as soon as possible. He didn’t want to risk Louis trying to talk to him again.

“Don’t you have something to ask me, Lou?” Danielle’s voice echoed through the emptying hallways, everybody already starting to have left the building.

“Maybe…” Louis voice replied. Harry could hear the smirk in his tone.

“Ask me, Lou. Please.”

“Danielle, would you go to homecoming with me?”

Harry’s hands froze as he was about to close his locker. He glanced to right, just in time to see Danielle jump into Louis’ arms for a second time. This time Louis being ready for it and his arms snaked around her waist.

Tears welled back up in Harry’s eyes, as he watched the scene unfold.

“Yes!” she replied, giggling as Louis spun them around once, twice, three times before he placed her back down to her feet and kissed her forehead. She leaned up and nudged his nose with her’s before pressing their lips together.

Harry looked away quickly, slamming his locker shut, and speed walking out of the building and onto his bus. He sat down in the first seat behind the driver and placed his backpack in the spot next to him, a tear slipping down his cheek.

 _I was getting better, wasn’t I? I was over him, wasn’t I? Why this? Why now? Why can’t I just be happy again? It’s been so long._ Harry’s mind asked him questioned after question that he couldn’t answer.

He dug around in his backpack before pulling out his earbuds. He plugged them into his phone putting on his “It’s Not A Bad Life, It’s Just A Bad Day” playlist. It was full of music that always made him feel better when he was thinking about Louis. In fact, the playlist’s name was a saying that Louis always told him whenever he was upset about something, whether it be a bad grade on a test or someone called him an awful name when they found out he was dating a boy. It always helped, just like this playlist.

He listened to the songs the entire bus ride home, but the tears kept falling and the ache he felt in his chest never let up. It felt like his heart was slowly breaking. Piece by piece being chipped away. The memories playing like a movie in his head, even when his eyes were open. Memories of him and Louis being happy, laughing and joking. Memories of him and Louis comforting each other as one of them cried. The memory of their breakup. Finally, the memories of seeing Danielle with Louis. They kept playing in a continuous loop the entire bus ride and while Harry walked off the bus and towards his home and while he unlocked the front door and to his room and while he laid down on his bed and crawled into the tiniest ball he could manage.

The tears kept falling the entire time, as well. Harry stayed like that for an hour, tears flowing, music sounding, memories playing until he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to make them stop. He had to. He didn’t care anymore. He had. To make. Them stop.

Harry pulled the earbuds out of his ears and stood up, walking towards his attached bathroom. He shrugged off his jacket, letting it fall to floor and reveal his arms, scarred from wrist to elbow. Pulling out his razor, he slammed it onto his vanity, staring blankly as it shattered. He picked up one of the blades with his right hand, pressing it to his left wrist roughly. He repeated the action over and over again, working his way up to elbow, watching the red liquid drip down onto the floor. Once his left arm was covered in red, he placed the blade onto the vanity and curled into a ball on his left side on the bathroom floor, his head resting against the cool tile and his arm laying flat in front of him.

After who knows how long, he faintly heard the sound of the front door opening and closed but he didn’t have the energy to move, the room already starting to spin as small black dots shimmered in his eyes.

“Harry, I’m home,” a voice called.

 _Gemma?_ _No. Gemma can’t see this. She can’t. She doesn’t know. She’s been at college. She can’t possibly know. I can’ let her see me like this._ The curly haired boy thought.

He heard footsteps coming down the hallway towards his room. “Harry? I saw your backpack by the door. I know you’re home. Are you in here?”

Harry tried to lift his head and reach for the door to close it, but his vision went black and he slipped into unconsciousness.

***

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_Would someone stop that annoying beeping, please. I already have a headache. I don’t need it getting worse._ Harry thought.

He tried to lift his arm but felt something holding it down. His eyes flew open only to be met with a dark, unfamiliar room. As his eyes adjusted, his saw a speckled white ceiling, along with white walls in front of him and to his left, he also guessed behind him but he couldn’t see that one, and a windowed wall to his right, though it was covered by a blue curtain on the outside.

As he continued looking around the room, he noticed the beeping was coming from a heart monitor. He also had an iv stuck in his arm connected to a bag of what he guessed was water. A couple other machines sat beside him, but he didn’t know what they were or what they did, so he ignored them. There was a metal chair with brown cushions in the top corner to his left and beside his bed. Speaking of his bed, he found the reason that he couldn’t lift his hand. There were white cloth straps tying both his hands to the metal sides of the bed, preventing him from doing anything in the case that he was left alone in the room.

Harry had known where he was the second he saw the ceiling, having seen it multiple time in the past almost three years, but the words Gemma spoke confirmed it for him.

“I don’t know what happened, mum,” Gemma spoke from behind the curtain. Harry could see her feet pacing back and forth from the gap between the curtain and floor.

“I would’ve asked him, trust me. I would have, but he was unconscious when I found him.” His sister’s voice sounded strained, like she was holding back her tears.

“They were all the way from his wrist to his elbow on his left arm. There was so much blood. It was covering his arm and the surrounding tile around where it was laying,” Gemma choked out a sob.

“I don’t know how much he lost. I could barely focus on what the doctor was telling. I thought you said that he was getting better. I thought you said that if you guys moved away from that house where all his memories were that everything would be ok. I thought you said he was gonna be ok.”

Harry felt the tears rolling down cheeks. He hated knowing the people he loves are hurt, especially when he knows it’s because of him. He cried silently wanting to hear more of the conversation.

“What do you mean he doesn’t know that I know? You didn’t tell him?”

“What does it matter that I was at uni? Mum, I’m his sister. He has to at least assume that I know. This is the second time he’s done this.”

Harry’s brows furrowed.

 _Second?_ He thought.

“WHAT?!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!!”

Harry heard Gemma sigh. “You’re right, I’m in a hospital. But what do you mean it’s happened before?”

“My first year at uni?”

“Damn right I would have come back. I wouldn’t have cared if I had classes. I would have just skipped them. I would have come home. I’ve been through breakups before. I could have helped him.”

“I understand that he was with the people who could help him the most, but he’s my baby brother, mum. I care about him. I want him to be happy.”

“Did he at least visit him? Call him? Write him? Anything?”

Harry’s breath hitched, knowing that Gemma was asking about Louis.

“Does he even know?”

“I guess that makes sense. She didn’t want him to be upset that it happened right after the breakup. That he might have been the cause of it.”

“That’s why I said might, mum. He’s just a kid, a kid that made a stupid decision that hurt my baby brother, but a kid nonetheless.”

“When will you be done with your shift?”

“Yeah, I know you wish you could be his doctor, but this isn’t your department.”

“Gemma?” Harry called, his voice hoarse.

“He’s awake! I’ll see you then. Bye.”

The curtain was pulled back, light flooding in. Harry snapped his eyes shut the bright light blinding him.

“Oh, sorry,” Gemma apologized. She stepped into the room quickly and slide the curtain shut again. Her soft footsteps approached the bed then stopped.

Harry opened his eyes again, his green orbs meeting Gemma’s. His sister lifted her hand, wiped away a tear on his cheek with her thumb and rested her hand on his jaw.

“How are you feeling, Haz?” she asked softly, almost like she was afraid her voice would break him.

Harry just sighed and nuzzled his cheek against her hand, a few more tears falling.

The tears fell faster, and Gemma leaned over the bed, giving the younger boy a gentle hug. He sobbed into her shoulder, wishing to hug her back, as she held him close, whispering soft, quiet “Shhhh” to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” Harry whimpered.

“What are you sorry for, baby?” Gemma asked as she continued to hug her brother.

Harry voice increased in volume with each word he spoke, “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I hurt mum. I’m sorry that I was selfish, not once, not twice, but three times. I’m sorry, I just can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry, I can’t take this pain I feel in my heart. I’m sorry, I can’t take this pain for the memories playing over and over again in my head. I’m sorry, I can’t take the pain of seeing him, let alone with her. I’m sorry, I can’t take the pain of hearing his voice. I’m sorry, I can’t take the pain of feeling his touch. I’m sorry, I can’t take the pain of looking into his eyes. I’m sorry, I can’t take the pain of thinking about him, not being able to stop myself from doing so. I’m sorry, I can’t take the pain of knowing he’s moved on and I haven’t, that he doesn’t want me anymore, that he can use the same names for her that he used for me when I can’t even speak his. I’m sorry…” A choked sob escaped his lips and his voice cut out, leaving him gasping for air, only to choke on it as soon as he got it in.

“Harry, listen to my voice, okay? Just focus on the sound of my voice. Close your eyes,” Gemma gently spoke as she pulled back to look at Harry’s face. Harry shut his eyes tightly, still gasping and choking on air.

“Just listen to me. You’re safe. I’m right here. I’ve got you. Nothing else matters right now. Just my voice and you. That’s it. Let everything else fade away. You’re safe. Take a deep breath through your nose for me, okay? In for four seconds.”

Harry sucked air through his nose.

“One… Two… Three… Four…” Gemma counted.

“Good. Hold it for seven seconds, okay? One… Two… Three… Four… Five… Six… Seven…” she continued.

“Now breathe out for eight seconds, okay? One… Two… Three… Four… Five… Six… Seven… Eight…”

Harry’s eyes relaxed, so they weren’t squeezed shut anymore, just gently closed.

“Now let’s do this one more time,” his sister whispered, caressing his cheek.

Harry listened to Gemma count, repeating the steps a second time. Then a third time when he hiccupped after the second time.

“Okay, now open your eyes again,” his sister’s soft voice filtered into his ears. Harry opened his eyes, blinking a couple times, allowing Gemma’s face to come into focus.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Gemma smiled sweetly at him. “Of course, baby bro.”

They held each other gaze for a few moments then Gemma gently tucked a curl behind Harry’s ear. “Your hair’s getting so long.”

“I haven’t cared enough to cut it,” Harry murmured.

“Don’t cut it. I like it,” the older girl paused, her brows furrowing before she continued. “Do you want to tell me what all that stuff about Louis and a girl is?”

Harry closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. “Louis goes to my new high school. I didn’t even know, though I should have guessed since it’s the only other high school in town. He bumped into me in the hallway today, not on purpose, he just wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, and I wasn’t either. I almost fell backwards but he caught me with a hand on my elbow and one on the small of my back, which brought up memories. I didn’t even know it was him at first, but I recognized the way the hand felt on my back and he spoke asking if I was alright. I knew it was him, Gems, I just knew. I would recognize his touch and his voice anywhere. I said I was fine, and he recognized my voice too. I don’t know how, but he did. THAT memory flooded back to mind and I couldn’t stop the after event from coming back with it. I guess I zoned out because then Louis said my name and asked if I was okay again. But before I could answer…”

The tears were flowing from Harry’s eyes again, his breathed hitched, and his voice wavered. He took another deep breath before he continued focusing on Gemma’s hand rubbing up and down from his shoulder to his elbow. “Before I could answer, she came. She jumped into his arms and kept kissing his cheek. At first, I thought, maybe she was just a really close friend. But then he started calling her babe and love, the stuff he used to call me. When he told her that he was talking to me she went to walk away with a pout, but he pulled her back by her waist and turned her towards him saying that he was just catching up with a friend… Me! A friend! He was referring to me as a friend and acting like I wasn’t even there, Gemma!”

“She was hanging all over him! Plus, he didn’t even know how long we hadn’t seen or even spoken to each other! And he doesn’t know what I’ve gone through after he left me! What I’m still going through! Then I said I had to catch the bus and walked away from them. As I was putting my homework into my backpack, he asked her to homecoming! Right in front of me! He spun her around and kissed her forehead! That’s what he used to do with me, Gems! It’s like he wants to hurt me!”

Harry pulled on his restraints wanting to claw at the healing cuts on his wrist, wanting to take away his emotional pain and make it physical so it would stop. He didn’t notice Gemma push the call nurse button in the room. He didn’t notice the curtain being pulled back or the light flooding the room. He didn’t notice the nurse walk over to his bedside and inject something into the empty iv on his left side, the one on his right connected to the bag. He did notice when the room went black, though.

The green-eyed boy woke up to a soft hand on the side of his face and a thumb gently rubbing circles on his cheek bone. He took a deep breath, flowery perfume flooding his nose along with the slight hint of vanilla.

 _Mum._ Harry thought

“Baby, are you awake?” the gentle voice of his mother sounded in his ears.

Harry’s eyes fluttered open bringing the gentle smile and beautiful eyes into view.

“Hi, mum,” Harry whispered, a slight smile on his lips.

“Hi, love,” his mum whispered back.

Harry’s smile fell when he remembered where he was. “Mum, I’m so sorry. It’s just the pain-”

“You don’t need to tell me anything, baby. Gemma filled me in. Everything will be ok now. The doctor’s are gonna keep you here until tomorrow afternoon. Then they want to send you-”

“NO!” Harry screamed, interrupting his mother. “No! You can’t send me away again! Those places don’t help! They don’t! They just make you talk about everything! I don’t want to talk about it! I don’t want to relive it again! I’m sorry, okay?! I’m sorry! Just don’t send me away again! Please!”

Harry’s voice broke and tears fell down his cheeks. His eyes burned for how much he’s cried today, but he can’t get the tears to stop.

“Shhh, honey, shhhhh. It’s okay. You’re okay. I won’t let them send you anywhere. I promise. You’re still going to be here until tomorrow afternoon, but then I’ll take you home. Okay? It’s all going to be okay. Just breathe,” his mum soothed.

Harry took a couple deep breaths then fell back to sleep.

***

Sleeping in a hospital isn’t the greatest thing to do. Nurses coming in and out during the night. Constantly asking if you’re okay, knowing full well that if you were okay that you wouldn’t be there.

The restraints were taken off when he needed to use the bathroom, but a nurse would be outside the door waiting for him and would knock if they felt he was taking too long. They finally fully removed them during breakfast. Harry wasn’t really hungry, but he knew that if he didn’t eat, they would go get his mum. So, he ate a few bites of everything, including eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, pancakes, and toast with butter and jam.

He put the tray on his side table and laid back down listening to the sounds of the hospital. The curtain was pulled back as Gemma stepped into the room closing it again.

“Hey, Harry. How are you feeling?” Gemma asked, a tight lip smile on her face.

“You sound just like every nurse that has walked in here,” Harry laughed lightly. This put a real smile on his sister’s face.

“You have some visitors. Can I let them in?” The green-eyed girl asked wryly.

“Is he…?”

“No, he’s not one of them,” Gemma shook her head, her lips pressed into a thin line.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, they can come in.”

Gemma pulled the curtain open, turned to her right, and motioned for the people to come in.

One by one his visitors filtered in. Lottie first, followed by Fizzy, then Jay with Daisy holding one of her hands and Phoebe holding the other. Harry gave them a warm smile as he sat up in the bed.

“Hey guys,” he muttered, his tone not matching his smile. He loved that they care so much about him to visit him, but part of him wished Louis was with them.

Lottie stepped up to the left side of his bed while Fizzy stepped up to the right side, they both smiled at him. Harry opened his arms for them, and they leaned down giving him a hug together. After a few seconds they pulled away and each kissed one of his cheeks.

“It’s good to see you, Haz,” Lottie spoke first.

“We missed you,” Fizzy said, giving Harry a light punch on his arm.

“I missed you guys, too,” Harry replied.

“Then come visit us!” Daisy interjected, running up to stand beside Lottie.

“Yeah! We could always use another princess at our tea parties! Louis’ always busy with football or hanging out with Danielle…” Phoebe, who was now standing next to Fizzy, motioned for Harry to leaned in closer to her so he did. She cupped her hands around her mouth and whispered into his ear, “and she doesn’t like having princess tea parties.”

Harry pulled back enough so he could face her properly. He covered his mouth with his hand and gasped before whispering, “How dare she? Princess tea parties are the best kind of tea parties.”

Phoebe giggled into her hand and nodded, a bright smile on her face.

“Okay, girls. Can you all go with Gemma while I talk with Harry for a second?”

The girls nodded and Harry gave them each a hug, Daisy and Phoebe getting a big, tight one, before they all walked into the hall with Gemma. His sister pulled the windowed door closed then drew the curtain.

 _This must be serious if the door has to be closed._ Harry thought.

“How are you doing, sweetie?” Jay asked, her voice laced with concern.

“As well as can be expected,” Harry shrugged, looking down and playing with his fingers.

“I stopped by your school and got you your homework you missed for today,” Jay continued, pulling out a thin file folder from her purse and handing it to Harry.

He took it and placed it on his side table. “Thank you.”

“Of course, love. You know I love you like family. That’s why I don’t like seeing you like this. You have my number in your phone still, yeah?”

Harry nodded.

“Good. If you need anything, even if it’s just to get away from your house from a bit and clear your mind, I’m only a call away,” Jay spoke, placing her hand on Harry’s jaw. She wiped away a tear, he didn’t even know had fell, with her thumb.

The curly haired boy pulled the woman, who he considered family, into a tight hug in which she hugged him back just as tight.

“Don’t be a stranger, okay? Come visit us soon,” Jay whispered.

“I will,” Harry replied.

Jay pulled back and adjusted her purse as Harry reached for his folder. Jay started walking towards the door, but she paused in front of the door and spoke, “Oh, and Harry?”

The green-eyed boy turned away from his assignments to look at her. She turned around to face him. “He asks about you, you know.”

Harry jaw dropped open.

“I don’t tell him about this when it happens. I don’t want my baby boy to think that it’s all his fault,” Jay continued, tears in her eyes. “It’s not all his fault, right?”

Harry closed his mouth and shook his head. “No. It’s not all his fault,” he replied maintaining eye contact to show he meant it.

“Ok,” Jay nodded. “I also think that this is something that you need to tell him yourself. He was really torn up after he did what he did that day. I know he didn’t want to. He thought it was what was best for both of you. I knew you guys would be able to make it through anything and it’s not that he didn’t, he did. He just didn’t want you to go through the pain of not being able to see him as much as he thought you would want to. He loved you, Harry. And… I think he still might.”

With that Jay left, leaving the door open, but closing the curtain. Harry sat on his bed stunned. He placed the folder back on his side table, then brought his knees to his chest and let the tears fall.

***

The doctors decided to keep him there an extra day after finding him in hysterics, tears never stopping their descent down his cheeks. Gemma stayed with him over night, so she could take him back the next day. They stopped at his school to pick up his homework, then made their way home. Despite Harry’s protests, his sister stopped at a fast-food place and bought them both food. Harry fed her fries as she drove and ignored her confused glances as he didn’t touch his.

When they got home and went inside, Gemma made Harry stay at the kitchen table and eat his food. Harry glared at her as he ate each bite, but she just smiled happily, knowing she was doing what she could to help make him better.

Once Harry finished eating, he did his homework at the table as well. Gemma helping him with the problems he was confused on and finding what information was important to know for his notes.

He finished his homework and was now sitting on the couch watch tv with his sister. After about half an hour of silence, Harry spoke, “Hey Gems?”

“Yeah?” she replied.

“Do you think mum will let me go to the homecoming dance tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, Harry,” Gemma sighed. “That’s up to her, I guess. Why do you want to go?”

“It’s my first school dance at the new school and I was already planning on going before, you know… I don’t even care if Louis is there. I just want to have a fun night.”

“Then you can go.” His mum’s voice came from behind him, startling him.

Harry whipped his head around to face her. “Really? Thank you!” he jumped up from his spot on the couch and tackled her in a hug.

“No problem, sweets.” His mum hugged him back.

***

The next afternoon, Harry was sat on his bed as Gemma rummaged through his closet.

“I can dress myself Gems,” Harry stated.

“This is a dance, Harry. I love your style, don’t get me wrong, but sweatpants and a flannel won’t do this time,” Gemma laughed.

Harry just sighed and laid back on his bed.

15 minutes later, clothes were thrown on top of the curly haired boy’s chest.

“Go change,” Gemma stated.

A few minutes later, Harry stepped out of his bathroom in a pair of black skinny jeans with tears at the knees and a blue button up with white dots all over it. Gemma walked over to him, unbuttoning the first three buttons on his shirt.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked curiously.

“Just trust me,” his sister replied, rolling her eyes. She fluffed out the sides of his shirt, then went to roll up the sleeves a little bit.

Harry grabbed her hand and shook his head with wide eyes.

At first, she looked confused then realization washed over her face and she nodded. Gemma then walked over to his closet and held out a pair of brown boots that his mum had bought him a year ago that he never wore. He slipped them on as Gemma worked on his hair. She pulled out a blue bandana and tied it around his head so that it pushed his curls back.

Harry blushed as he remembered the story behind the bandana.

“Done!” Gemma smiled, looking very proud of herself.

She led Harry to his floor length mirror to show him the finished look.

“Wow…” Harry whispered.

“I know. I’m magical,” his sister smirked.

“Thank you, Gemma!” Harry exclaimed, turning around to hug his sister.

“Anytime now go! Before mum gets out her camera.”

Harry grabbed his phone, jacket and keys and ran out the door. He stepped into his car and turned the key in the ignition, then he pulled onto the street and drove to school.

***

The music pumped through the speakers, it being so loud it was shaking the entire gym. Harry stood in the corner, sipping on punch, watching the couples grind on the dance floor. Girls and guys alike, no one caring about who grinded on who. This school seemed much more accepting of the LGBTQ+ community.

The curly haired boy had lost Niall, the only friend his was able to make so far at this school, two hours in. He didn’t really care though. Niall was with his girlfriend and he had started feeling like a third wheel anyway. Despite being by himself in the corner, he was having a really good time. He hadn’t even seen Louis once.

“Alright everyone!!” the dj’s voice cutting out the flow of music.

The crowd let out a drawn out “BOOOOOOO!!”

“Oh stop it,” the dj rolled his eyes. “It’s time to announce this year’s homecoming king and queen!!”

“YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!” the crowd of students cheered.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now this year’s homecoming queen is… Danielle Campbell!!”

The crowd cheered again as a spotlight found Danielle walking up towards the stage. She stepped up and, Harry couldn’t lie, she looked gorgeous. Her long brown hair was curled and draped over her left shoulder, a sparkling silver flower clip pinning the back together. She wore a strapless purple dress with a corset back and bejeweled bodice. The outside layer was sheer and had a peacock feather embroidered from her right hip down to her left shin. She was stunning. A couple of students came onto the stage and placed a silver shimmering tiara on her head.

“Alright people, settle down, settle down. We still need to announce the homecoming king.” The dj paused letting everyone quiet down. “Alright, this year’s homecoming king is… Louis Tomlinson!!”

The crowd exploded with cheers and whistles, as a spotlight searched for Louis in the crowd. Harry found him a second before the spotlight did. He looked beautiful without the light, but when the light hit him… wow.

Louis wore a black suit that seemed like it was dusted in glitter. He sparkled every time he shifted, the light hitting him perfectly. The suit hugged his body in all the right places. It showed off the smallness of his waist, the flatness of his stomach, the curve of his hips, and the fullness of his bum. His hair was styled up into a sleek quiff. He also wore the biggest smile on his face, but Harry noticed that it didn’t reach his eyes.

Harry was with Louis long enough that he knew how to tell if something wasn’t right. Like if Louis didn’t sit with one of his feet on top of the other it meant that he wanted to cuddle. Or if he twitched his nose it meant he was lying. Or if he rubbed his thumb and middle finger on his right hand together it meant he was anxious. Or if he did that same gesture but with his left hand it meant that he was excited and trying to contain his joy. But most importantly, if his eyes didn’t crinkle at the edges when he smiled it meant that he was faking his happiness.

Louis was now on stage, standing next to Danielle, in a shining gold crown. He looked fantastic but his eyes still weren’t crinkled. Louis scanned the crowd, his eyes moving person to person until his eyes met Harry’s. Harry wanted to look away from Louis’ piercing, icy blue orbs but he couldn’t.

“Alright, king and queen, do you have anything you want to say?” the dj asked, handing Louis the mic.

Louis turned towards Danielle and gave her an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, but I have to go talk to him.”

“What?” Danielle asked, struggling to keep the smile on her face.

“I have to go talk to him. I have thoughts he needs to hear.” With that, Louis jumps off the stage.

A spotlight follows him as students part, making a path towards Harry, who already has a spotlight on him. The curly haired boy stands there motionless, confused as to what’s happening. A couple seconds later, Louis is standing a couple feet in front of Harry.

“Harry…” Louis started. “I am so sorry for what I did to you that day. I did what I thought was best for us. For you. But that was not my decision to make. I should not ever make those decisions without taking your feelings and thoughts into account. You don’t know how often I wished that I could take it back. That I never would have done that to you. But I can’t take it back. It’s in the past. And no matter how hard someone wishes for it, the past cannot be unwritten. It cannot be changed. But it can be corrected with future actions. I don’t know about you, but my life has been a living hell since that day. Danielle is an amazing girl, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not you. Me and her can never be what me and you were. What me and you still can be. I didn’t know how much I missed you until I saw you again. I didn’t know… that I still love you. I never stopped loving you. So, I’m asking you… right here, right now… will you please forgive me?”

Tears fell from Harry’s eyes, only to be wiped away with Louis’ thumbs. Harry didn’t realize that he had been walking closer to Louis with each word he spoke, they were mere inches away now.

Harry nodded a smile breaking out on his face. “Yes.”

The green-eyed boy leaned down, pressing his lips to Louis’, it was immediately reciprocated. The kiss was short and sweet and soft and everything Harry had missed so dearly.

The crowd erupted into cheers. Whistles and shouts and even sniffles could be heard from around them. Louis pulled away, resting his forehead on Harry’s. Harry laughed when he realized that Louis was still holding the mic in his hand. His entire speech being amplified to the student body. Louis handed the mic back to the dj.

Confusion took over Harry’s features. “What about Danielle? Isn’t she still your girlfriend?”

“No, he broke up with me after he asked me to the dance,” Danielle spoke, walking up from behind Louis.

Harry’s confusion grew as he looked from Louis to Danielle and back to Louis.

“I thought you had left already when I asked her. I thought that you didn’t like me anymore, that you were over me. But when I heard your locker slam, I turned to see you running away. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Though, I hoped that your reaction meant that you still liked me. That there was a chance for us to be us again. That hope was enough for me to break things off with Danielle…” Louis trailed off, looking at the brunette beside him.

“He explain everything to me. I had known that our relationship was on the rocks for a while. I completely understood where he was coming from. I understand it even more now, seeing you two together, it all makes sense. I wish both of you the best of luck,” Danielle gave both boys a smile and took a few steps before pausing and turning back around. “Oh, I almost forgot.”

Danielle lifted the tiara off her head and placed it into Harry’s hair, the bandana keeping it in place. “Perfect. Have fun you two.” She waved once more to them and Harry watched as she walked off to find her friends.

Harry turned back to face Louis, only to be met by his icy blue stare and a smirk on his face.

“What?” Harry asked.

“Nice bandana,” Louis replied raising his eyebrows. “Wonder what the story behind that is…”

Harry pressed his lips into a thin line and looked down at his feet. ‘Who know the story,” he whispered.

“I do? Are you sure?”

Harry nodded, a smile coming onto his face. “You’re the one who wrote it on my birthday card when you gave it to me.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. Let me see if I can remember it…” Louis pursed his lips forwards, thinking for a second.

“It started with something like this,” Louis stated, pushing Harry back gently until his back was pressed against the wall.

“Then something like this happened,” Louis said before latching his lips onto Harry’s neck and sucking.

Harry bit down on his bottom lip to keep from moaning.

Louis detached from the spot once he was satisfied with the mark he made. “If I remember correctly, next your shirt would come off. But we’re in a public space, so I don’t think I’ll do that. We’ll pretend. What’s after that?” Louis asked into the air. Harry remained silent knowing that Louis knew what was next.

In one swift movement, Louis grabbed both of Harry’s wrists and held them above his head. Harry cringed at the pain shooting through his wrist, Louis didn’t notice.

“I remember. I would use that pretty bandana to tie both your hands to your headboard. Not hard enough to hurt but enough that you couldn’t get free no matter how hard you struggled,” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear.

The blue-eyed boy pulled his head back to look into Harry’s eyes, then squeezed his wrists again. This time he noticed true pain that flickered across Harry’s face.

He released Harry’s wrists and took a step backwards. “Are you okay, Hazza?” his voice laced with concern.

“What? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Harry replied shaking the fogginess out of his head.

“Are you sure? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Louis reached for Harry’s wrist, but the curly haired boy pulled his hand away.

“Hazza?” Louis spoke again in a warning tone.

Harry nibbled on the inside of his bottom lip and looked at the ground, tear already in his eyes as he rolled his sleeves up to show Louis his scars.

“Baby, no,” the older boy whispered.

“I’m sorry,” Harry voice cracked, and a couple tears fell.

“Why? Why would… Why?”

“I thought you hated me. That you didn’t want me anymore. That you didn’t think we would work even if we tried. You just left me. I tried it that day. I tried to say goodbye to this world that day. I was put away in a mental hospital for 6 months. I hid everything after that. Mum only noticed because I wouldn’t stop wearing long sleeves and sweatpants. They put me back in there for another 6 months. Then I was getting back. I thought I was okay. But then I saw you with Danielle and… and… I did it again. Gemma found me. I got out of the hospital yesterday. They wanted to send me away again, but mum told them no. I’m trying to get better. I promise I am. It’s just so hard.”

“You did this because of me?” Louis looked like he was going to throw up.

“No. No, no, no, no. I did this because of me. My thoughts go in the way of the truth. This was not you. Please don’t think that.”

Louis leaned down and kissed every single one of Harry’s scars. “I’m here for you, love. Remember that please. I want you here with me forever. I need you here with me forever. I love you,” he whispered looking back up into Harry’s eyes.

“I know, Boo, I know you’re here for me now. I’ll stay here as long as you want me. I love you, too,” Harry whispered back, nudging his nose against Louis’ cheek.

“Forever,” Louis murmured, his breath ghosting over Harry’s lips. The older boy sealed their lips together sweetly, pulling away from a couple seconds.

“Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Don't Forget to leave a kudos if you liked it!!


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